I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
