So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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