Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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