Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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