I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
