party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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