Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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