she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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