the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You ate ashes out of my bong
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
