Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
