3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
