Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
