i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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