I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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