Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
