Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
