I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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