i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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