my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
