I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize