OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
