dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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