you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Four minutes until I can fart!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
