Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
