The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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