why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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