I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
