She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize