"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
