That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
