i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
