if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize