He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
