That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
