I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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