His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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