All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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