I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
