Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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