the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
