there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
