There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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