Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Please, let me fuck your mom
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my sisters under your porch take her home
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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