I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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