"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
