my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
PANTIES FOUND
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