I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
