tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
