im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
