there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
