if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
