Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize