I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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