Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
