Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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