Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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