He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
