I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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