He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
