so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
