hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
