So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
