The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
