Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
