Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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