i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
