and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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