is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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