I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
