how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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