Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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